Thursday, September 13, 2012

Real homesickness

I haven't gone out and done anything much today because I got nailed with a huge case of loneliness and homesickness. Sent my laundry out to be washed, and walked to the place my hotel recommended to put more minutes on my cell phone and that was all I could really handle today.

Because both kurtas were in the laundry I am wearing my sleeveless pink top. And oh god it was so nice and light and comfortable in this heat! But it also shows off all my tattoos and the attention was pretty overwhelming.

I made sure to put on sunblock today, even though I was only going two blocks and back. And drank a full bottle of water in just that short time. Everywhere around me were drivers wanting to take me places. I would shake my head and indicate I was walking. Two steps later another would be asking again. When drivers weren't vying for my attention beggars were. I just shake my head and walk a little faster. The little kids are the worst, though. It eats me up inside. They know that though, which is why foreigners are such perfect targets. I just have to keep saying no. It's all I can do.

I got back to my hotel and have been holed up in my room for the afternoon trying to come up with a plan. (Also, I have finally succumbed to not feeling well so I'm hoping a day of rest will help me feel better.). The more reading I do the more it sounds like nowhere I go right now is going to be what I am hoping for. Goa is still at the tail end of the monsoon season. So while it would be quieter there, I may not get the relaxing "lay on a beach and do nothing" experience I had hoped for. But travel is what you make of it. And rain I'm prepared for.

All in all, while I know I'll be fine, right now I just want to curl up and cry. I will let myself, too, once I have figured out my plans. Because sometimes a good cry is important. I'm just so damn lonely here! India is a very difficult place to meet people. I feel somewhat shell shocked, so my natural way of talking to other travelers gives way to a wide eyed stare of envy when I see people in any size group. They have someone to talk to. I've always loved traveling solo in the past. Here I wish to god I had someone to keep me company.

Just watch, though. In another couple of days I'll be happy and having fun again. :)

2 comments:

  1. •hugs•

    So what is your very favorite experience so far?
    I'm so impressed with you traveling solo. I know I would have been terrified to go it alone. Is there anyone interesting staying at your hotel? Maybe someone you might share a meal with?


    Kimberly

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  2. Wish I could do something to help you feel better, short of buying a plane ticket and coming over there myself. (Hey, it's not like I wouldn't've gone to India at some point anyway. It *is* on my list of places I want to go.)

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