Sunday, September 9, 2012

Not going to feel like a failure

So, a big way I handle traveling with my bipolar is by doing a ton of research in advance, figuring out multiple plans so that if one changes I have backup plans, and by having a safety net of people back home I can call when I just desperately need a person who can help calm me when I reach the point where I'm falling down.

Kashmir was a mistake.  In every way.  I hadn't done research before coming here because I wasn't planning to come here!  It has blown my budget out of the water.  I'm so far out of my comfort zone I am freaking out.  And now if I try to stick to my plan everything is just going to be go to shit.  Oh yeah, and my pre-paid phone doesn't work up here (security reasons) so I really feel completely isolated and alone.

So after taking two Ativan last night to calm me down (yes, I needed two, one wouldn't have cut through the panic I was trying to deal with), I made a couple of decisions.

1) I am coming home early.  I'll look into changing my current ticket.  Or I'll bite the bullet and just buy a one way ticket from Delhi to Boston.  Looking at mid-October for this.

2) Not going to make it to the meditation retreat in Dharmasala, nor the Camel Fair in Pushkar.  Instead I'm heading to Jammu tomorrow, then from there I'll take a bus to Amritsar and then do a circle of Rasjasthan and make my way then back to Delhi backwards from Jaipur and Agra.

This still gives me an incredible trip to India.  I'll still see a lot, experience a lot, and do a lot.  So I won't feel like a total failure.  I've still done something most people wouldn't dream of doing.  And next time I come to India (and the rest of my current trip!) I'll have a much better grasp of how things are done here, what to really expect, and I'll be more prepared.

3 comments:

  1. Call me when you can. Maybe we can help. Love you.

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  2. Sweetie, how could you ever be a failure? You took a detour and while it didn't pan out the way you hoped that does NOT reflect on the awesomeness that is you.

    Kim

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  3. Sounds like you are doing it exactly right. If your trip went 'according to plan' then it wasn't a trip worth having cuz! If you don't ride the wave of the experience then you will miss out on some of the things that the universe is nudging you towards. Who knows if Armitsar and Rasjasthan will work out? Maybe that part of the plan will change too. Plan for what you can, and work around the rest. :) We all love ya, and I'm super psyched to be reading of your adventures.

    -Cousin Tom

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